Dear Diary,
Yeah, this was a good year.
អត្ថបតផសាយ
When I think about where I started — I was a stray flashing my tum for gravy on the mean streets of Mill Valley — I can’t believe how far I’ve come.
I feel so lucky. A lot of cats don’t have it this good. I have a roof over my head, a mediocre pet assistant, a cupboard stocked with gravy, and millions of adoring fans.
What more could a tabby ask for?
អត្ថបតផសាយ
ឆ្មានិងគ្រឿងតុបតែងមុខរបស់ឆ្មា ??
42 ដុល្លារ
ទិញឥវ៉ាន់ឥឡូវនេះ
Professionally, I even accomplished most of my goals. I added more stamps to my passport, expanded my global empire and worked on hundreds of wonderful kitty modeling campaigns.
Here are some of the more memorable ones that come to mind…
តើតាកាណា? ប្រហែលជា 6 ឆ្នាំកន្លងមកខ្ញុំបានរាប់អានមិត្តឆ្មាបន្ទះមួយដែលមានបឺរដែលមានដង្កូវមិនល្អ។ I could see he’d fallen on hard times, but his profound knowledge of high fashion and department store cosmetics led me to believe that he was more than meets the eye. យើងបានក្លាយជាមិត្តភក្តិលឿនហើយឥឡូវនេះគាត់ពិតជាចៅហ្វាយខ្ញុំ (និងជាគំរូគីតធីដែលទទួលបានជោគជ័យ) ។
New York
I vividly remember this campaign for NARS. It was RyGos and I working together in new York City. We partied hard. We also did a lot of walking that trip, first all over downtown, and then to chase ducks in central Park.
I had a blast and really enjoyed working with RyGos. His tum is almost as extraordinary as mine.
Paris
I spent a lot of time in Paris this year. I’m still bummed about not winning the Oscar for my work on Les chat Misérables, but c’est la vie.
I also had a Chanel job in the springtime with Snowflake, which was très magnifique! hunting mice along the Seine after sunset, mewling for cheese — it was so romantic.
If I weren’t at the pinnacle of my kitty modeling career right now, I could see myself settling down with Snowflake. She’s just so…exciting, and boy can she model!
But I don’t have any room in my life for a relationship right now. It wouldn’t be fair to Snowflake…
New Zealand
Uh…New Zealand with Peter Jackson?
YES, PLEASE!
That was another amazing trip. I gotta hand it to my assistant for arranging time with Peter Jackson between the two Hobbit movies. You know you’re in good hands when he’s behind the camera.
What a gorgeous country, too. I hear it’s how California probably looked a few hundred years ago — thick forests, tall, snow-capped mountains…and lots of sheep!
Morocco
Morocco…
Not my favorite trip this year, but that’s what I get for working with a newbie photographer. You’d think I’d know better by now.
The guy had absolutely no idea what he was doing, but at least I got to work with Steve again. best Bengal tiger in the kitty modeling business, paws down.
រដ្ឋ Carolina ខាងត្បូង
Hilton Head, South Carolina… You know, I surprised myself last summer on that job for CoverCat. I’d never waterskied before, but I think I did alright.
I’ve always had pretty good balance, even though my assistant laughs at me every time I slip on the kitchen tiles… I really should talk to her about that. It’s rude.
Miami
Miami for BECCA was fun, of course, but that’s mostly because I got some much-needed beach time.
Venice Beach, California
Speaking of beaches, Venice beach was cooler than I thought. I expected a lot more dogs…
I met so many musically talented cats down there. It reminded me of my days battling strays on street corners in Mill Valley for treats. I always had a good-sounding meow…
Tuscany
And then there was Tuscany. Really, how can you go wrong?
What was that Ragdoll kitty’s name again…? Patches, Peaches? She was the kitty model I worked with… I can’t remember her name, but she did a good job. I mean, she was nervous, but who wouldn’t be working with a powerhouse kitty modeling superstar like me?
Las Vegas
VEGAS!
You know what they say — what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. ‘Nuff said.
And meow…
Seriously, this was also a milestone year for me. Not only did I turn in some of my all-time best kitty modeling work, but I also penned my very first short story, a 5,000-word tail loosely based on actual events.
I’m reproducing it here in its entirety. hope you enjoy it, and I’ll see you soon in 2014.
Much love, always,
ផ្ទាំង
A relaxing TIME
by Tabs the Cat
Tabs could not believe how loud the generator was. The sound reverberated off the walls of his tiny shelter, and probably also off the frigid floor, which except for the one hole cut in the middle of the room, was a 12-inch-thick slab of solid ice.
When his friend, Felix, told Tabs about this place, told him about how ice fishing up here in the northern Territories was the most relaxing thing he’d ever done, Felix neglected to mention the generator.
Figures…
Tabs shivered, despite his heavy wool coat, thick fur and thermal kitty underwear, and watched his breath puff in the frosty air.
The one electric bulb hanging from the ceiling briefly dimmed as the generator momentarily sputtered.
Wouldn’t that be perfect, Tabs thought, if the generator conked out and stranded him out here on a frozen lake?
The generator resumed its steady, rhythmic roar, which sounded to Tabs like the loudest lawn mower he’d ever heard.
He wondered what he would do if it stalled. The darkness wouldn’t be a problem for him because he was able to see in the dark, but the cold… how cold would it get in the little shack without the heater? probably very cold…
He had no transportation, either, thanks to Felix, who talked Tabs into hiring a local bush pilot to make the trip here. until the pilot returned on the day after Christmas, Tabs was on his own.
With a jolt, he suddenly remembered having his iphone and pulled it from a pocket inside his coat, thinking that if something happened to the generator, he could call his assistant for help.
He slid his paw across the phone’s screen, and the device sprung to life, displaying more than a dozen illuminated app icons. Instinctively, his eyes went to the upper lefthand corner.
“ម៉ែវ!” he cursed. No bars. He wouldn’t be able to make a call.
He held up the phone and waved it around in the air, looking for a signal. nothing until, wait! — he saw one bar for a second. maybe he could get a stronger signal over there, he thought, looking at the one tiny window in the room.
He hopped down from the chair, a sturdy, old thing made of heavy wood, set the iphone down on the ice, and wrapped the end of his fishing line around a leg of the chair five times.
That should hold it, he thought, and then the generator stopped.
When he looked to face it, the bottom of his coat brushed the iPhone, which slid directly into the hole in the ice.
Plop, was the sound it made when it splashed into the water.
Uh, oh, Tabs thought, as the now quiet room went dark…
A relaxing TIME: chapter 2
Tabs sat motionless in the shed, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness as the ringing in his ears from the once noisy generator subsided.
Soon, thanks to the sparse moonlight coming in through the one tiny window in the room, he could clearly make out shapes — the chair, his Louis Vuitton luggage and Chanel overnight bag, the generator, electric heater, the hole in the ice and the small wooden workman’s desk — and then details, like the lovely Chanel double C logo, the elegant Louis Vuitton pattern and a familiar-looking tool on top of the desk…
Can opener, he thought. That’s what his assistant called them. He never figured out how to make it work, but he knew that it could produce gravy. His assistant did it all the time.
Knowing it was here, he felt a tinge of relief. maybe he could figure out how to use it if he had to. If his assistant could use it, it couldn’t be that hard.
Carefully, he walked over to the edge of the hole in the ice and peered down. Water gently lapped against the sides, but its depths were impenetrable, even to his efficient kitty eyes.
“ម៉ែវ!” he called. Siri! then he made his way around to the other side of the hole and tried again, louder this time. “ម៉ែវ!!” Siri!!
No answer… Was she ignoring him, or somehow unable to reply?
“Mrf!” he huffed. probably the former. These days, it’s just so hard to find good help.
It occurred to Tabs that he wouldn’t be in this situation had his assistant back at the office done her job. She was in charge of travel arrangements, after all, so this was entirely her fault.
“Mmrrrwww…” he grumbled. He was going to give her an earful when he got —
Tabs whipped around and focussed his senses intensely on the door. He heard something outside, something shuffling on the ice. His ears rotated on his head like tiny radar dishes trying to triangulate the source of the sound.
There! He heard it again. Something skilled in the art of espionage. It was close. right behind the door, and it was big. Tabs could tell. much bigger than a cat.
Then, the smell. Instinctively, Tabs arched his back to appear larger, triggered his claws and hissed loudly at the door.
Dog!
A relaxing TIME: chapter 3
Tabs hissed and growled at the thing on the other side of the door, throwing decorum out the window. Sure, it was rude and not very neighborly of him, but he and dogs had never gotten along very well. He thought they were always so…pushy, and clumsy.
That was the thing about dogs, he thought. They had no respect for personal space.
Tabs could hear it sniffing loudly outside, conducting reconnaisance. Tabs knew about their keen sense of smell, and knew that this one probably already knew that Tabs was alone in the shed, terrified, a little on the plump side and wearing Coco Mademoiselle.
“Meeeeooowww,” he groaned, using his office voice. who the hell is that? “Mrow!” Go away, or I’m calling the police!
No answer, and the sniffing sound stopped. seconds passed, and Tabs wondered if his threat had worked to scare away the dog.
He got to thinking that he shouអិលរកមើលផ្លូវរត់គេចខ្លួនក្នុងករណីឆ្កែមានកូនសោរទ្វារ។ វាហាក់ដូចជាមិនទំនងទេប៉ុន្តែថេបមិនប្រាកដទេ។ ឆ្កែនេះប្រហែលជាក្នុងស្រុកមួយបន្ទាប់ពីទាំងអស់ហើយប្រហែលជាដឹងថាតំបន់នេះ។ ប្រហែលជាវាថែមទាំងបានមើលផ្ទាំងមកដល់មកដល់ដែរ។
ការគិតគូរគួរឱ្យភ័យខ្លាចហើយបេះដូងតូចរបស់គាត់ចាប់ផ្តើមលោត។ ដោយអៀនខ្មាសគាត់បានក្រឡេកមើលជុំវិញបន្ទប់ម្តងទៀតភ្នែកគួរឱ្យភ័យខ្លាចរបស់គាត់បានចំណាយពេលផ្តោតអារម្មណ៍។
មានបង្អួចទោលដែលត្រូវបានបិទហើយតូចណាស់ហើយយ៉ាងហោចណាស់ប្រាំហ្វីតបិទជាន់កក។ ជញ្ជាំងគឺជាស្លាយឈើបញ្ឈរដែកពិដានដែកនិងដីគឺជាទឹកកកដ៏រឹងមាំលើកលែងតែរន្ធនេសាទត្រីដែលត្រូវបានកាត់នៅកណ្តាល។
គាត់បានក្រឡេកមើលរន្ធមួយភ្លែតដោយស្តាប់បឹងទឹកនៅក្នុងនោះទៅម៉ាស៊ីនភ្លើងស្ងាត់ស្ងៀមនិងម៉ាស៊ីនត្រជាក់ត្រជាក់យ៉ាងឆាប់រហ័សកាបូបពីរនៅក្បែរកៅអីទឹកកក អង្រឹងដែលគាត់បានសន្មតថានៅទទេហើយបន្ទាប់មកនៅឯកន្លែងធ្វើការបានរុញច្រានប្រឆាំងនឹងជញ្ជាំងមួយ។
គ្មានអ្វីទេ។ គ្មានផ្លូវណាមួយនៅក្នុងឬក្រៅលើកលែងតែទ្វារ។
គាត់បានបណ្តុះបណ្តាលចក្ខុវិស័យរាត្រីរបស់គាត់នៅលើទ្វារម្តងទៀតហើយផ្តោតលើត្រចៀករបស់គាត់ដូចជាចានរ៉ាដាដែលមានរាងពងក្រពើដោយស្កេនសម្រាប់សម្លេងបន្តិចបន្តួច …
ហើយបន្ទាប់មកពិភពលោកបានផ្ទុះឡើង។ មានការគាំងបេះដូងដ៏គួរឱ្យភ័យខ្លាចមួយប្រឆាំងនឹងទ្វារដែលគួបផ្សំនឹងសំបកស្ងួតដែលគ្មានគូភ្លោះ។ សំលេងរំខានដែលបណ្តាលឱ្យផ្ទាំងលោតបីហ្វីតនៅលើអាកាសហើយគាត់បានទៅដល់ទឹកកក។
ការគាំងបានបន្តម្តងហើយម្តងទៀតហើយទ្វារបានញាប់ញ័រ។ ស្នាមញញឹមទាំងមូលបានរញ្ជួយយ៉ាងខ្លាំងហើយដំបូលដែកមានរាងដូចខ្ទឹមសនិងរអាក់រអួល។ ថេបដែលមានបន្ទាបខ្លួននៅលើទឹកកកដែលរួញតូចនឹងកំរាលឥដ្ឋដូចជាសត្វព្រៃភ្នែកធំទូលាយដែលមានរាងពងក្រពើ។
ថេបមិនដែលលឺការស្រែកដូចនោះពីមុនទេ។ វាគឺជាវត្ថុរាវ, កំហឹង visceral ។ ទេនេះមិនមែនជាឆ្កែទេផ្ទាំងដែលបានដឹង។ នេះគឺជាបិសាចមួយ។
នៅពេលដែលសត្វនេះបានធ្វើឱ្យទ្វារទ្វារបានទៀតទ្វារស្វិតបើក។
អ្វីគ្រប់យ៉ាងបានស្ងាត់ស្ងៀមទាំងស្រុងនៅពេលដែលពេលវេលាឈប់។ អ្វីដែលថេបឃើញនៅចំពោះមុខគាត់នៅមាត់ទ្វារនោះគឺ – នៅពេលនោះគាត់បានស្គាល់វាហើយចងចាំបានឃើញនៅពេលដែលគាត់ធ្វើការជាអ្នកបន្ថែមលើឈាមពិតរបស់អេចប៊ី។ បិសាចគឺជាសត្វចចកមួយហើយបន្ទាប់មកវាលោត។
សភាវគតិរមៀលទៅខាងឆ្វេងរបស់គាត់រអិលលើទឹកកកព្រោះថ្គាមរបស់សត្វបានចាក់ទ័រចចកចេញពីក្បាលរបស់គាត់។ សន្ទុះបានដឹកសត្វដ៏ធំមួយទៅមុខហើយវាបានប្រព្រឹត្តទៅក្នុងអុសដែលមិនអាចបញ្ឈប់នៅលើទឹកកកបាន។
អាងដួលរលំចុះក្រោមបែកខ្ញែក ៗ ហើយលេចចេញមកបញ្ចុះសពសត្វលោកនៅពីក្រោមពួកគេតែផ្ទាំងមិនស្ទាក់ស្ទើរទេ។ ដរាបណាគាត់បានឈានដល់កម្រិតរបស់គាត់គាត់បានប្រណាំងឆ្ពោះទៅរកទ្វារចំហរដោយចាប់យកកាបូបមួយយប់របស់គាត់នៅតាមផ្លូវហើយបានចេញមកនៅលើបឹងដ៏ខ្មៅងងឹត។
ពេលវេលាសម្រាកលំហែ: ជំពូក 4
ម្តងតាមរយៈទ្វារនៃម្ទេសទឹកកកផ្ទាំងត្រូវបានវាយប្រហារដោយភាពធំធេងនៃមេឃពេលយប់និងបឹងទឹកកក។ គាត់កំពុងរត់លើទឹកកកជើងតូចរបស់គាត់ញាក់ដូចជាផ្លុំស្លាបមិត្តលំពែងរបស់គាត់បានធ្វើឱ្យមានការទិញ។
ការភ័យខ្លាចបានដេញគាត់ឱ្យលឿនទៅមុខទៅមុខកាន់តែជ្រៅទៅ ៗ នៅពេលយប់។ មានចំណុចនៃពន្លឺនៅឆ្ងាយនៅខាងមុខនៅម្ខាងទៀតនៃបឹងប៉ុន្តែពួកគេហាក់ដូចជានៅឆ្ងាយពីគ្នា។ គ្មានអ្វីដែលនៅខាងស្តាំរបស់គាត់ទេប៉ុន្តែការលាតសន្ធឹងនៃបឹងទឹកកកនិងខាងឆ្វេងរបស់គាត់គ្រោងដែលមានស្រមោលនៃការកើនឡើងនៃដី – ឆ្នេរមួយផ្សេងទៀតឬកោះមួយប្រហែលជាជិតជាងច្រាំងឆ្ងាយប៉ុន្តែមិនមានសញ្ញានៃជីវិតទេ។ មានតែខ្សែដើមឈើខ្ពស់នៅខាងក្រោយឆ្នេរខ្សាច់មួយប៉ុណ្ណោះ។
តើសត្វឥឡូវនេះនៅឯណា? ផ្ទាំងអស្ចារ្យ។ តើវាបានទាញខ្លួនចេញពីក្រោមអីវ៉ាន់នៅខ្ទមទេ? តើវាកំពុងស្វែងរកទ្រង់ឥឡូវនេះដោយដេញតាមគាត់នៅលើបឹងដែលមានជើងជ្រូកវែងជាងនេះទេ? ផ្ទាំងមិនអាចនាំខ្លួនគាត់មើលបានទេ។
សួតរបស់គាត់បានចាប់ផ្តើមរលាកហើយគាត់បានដឹងថាល្បឿនរបស់គាត់កំពុងធ្លាក់ចុះ។ ភ្លើងនៅលើឆ្នេរសមុទ្រឆ្ងាយរបស់បឹងបានហៅគាត់។ ផ្ទាំងបានដឹងថាមានទីជំរកនៅទីនោះមនុស្សប៉ុន្តែមិនមានវិធីដែលគាត់នឹងអាចរត់គ្រប់ផ្លូវឆ្លងកាត់បឹងបានទេ។ វាឆ្ងាយណាស់ហើយ។
គាត់បានស្កេនឆ្នេរសមុទ្រកាន់តែជិតដល់ខាងឆ្វេងរបស់គាត់ម្តងទៀតសម្រាប់សញ្ញាណាមួយនៃជំនួយឬគ្រោះថ្នាក់។ នៅពេលនោះសត្វចចកត្រូវបានគេធ្វើនៅពីក្រោយគាត់។
វាជិតដល់ហើយ! ផ្ទាំងញាប់ញ័រហើយ